Today didn’t leave a feeling to be felt.
I ran into my ex girlfriend of a couple of years. We talked and I found it difficult to leave her.
This made me feel something, I don’t have a word to describe it though.
I went out for dinner with a friend. She is a good friend. I felt happy.
We went to town to see our friends. This is always funny.
We all headed to a bar, one of my mates was wearing skate shoes, so we couldn’t go in.
This made me feel disappointed.
We all jumped back in the truck, one of my friends was pretty drunk and he jumped on the roof of the truck.
He got back in, but now we were being followed by two random vehicles.
I felt scared, and maybe a bit worried.
They were calling the police, after running multiple orange lights the cops found us and we got pulled up and fined for people riding in a dangerous way and running 3 red lights. The fines between us all total almost one thousand dollars.
This makes me angry.
My friends are helping pay most of mine.
I feel proud and trusting in my friends.
We went to buy cigarettes, the transaction fell through at the service station and we couldn’t buy them. I talked to the guy and said we would come later to see if it went through.
We got McDonald’s and cigarettes elsewhere.
No feelings here.
We went back to the service station where the transaction fell threw, to check if the payment actually went through. But it didn’t.
I couldn’t help but ask the older guy working about his job. And if he likes working night times. I told him what I did as a job and we talked about studying. Told me how he is going to study next year and such. I showed him my fines and he seemed worried about how I was going to pay my fines. I told him my friends would help me. He told me to take care of my friends and to visit him another time. It was a small distant heart to heart through a glass window and a microphone with a man over twice my age at 2am on a Saturday.
I felt respect.
I dropped my mates at there flat in town and started heading home with the mate I had dinner with, I was going to drop her house on the way home.
I felt sort of fulfilled.
We saw a rabbit on the road standing next to a dead rabbit on the middle of the road. My heart broke. I could of cried then and there. We turned around, my friend jumped out of the truck, she grabbed the dead rabbit and pulled it off the road so that the other rabbit wouldn’t get hit. Like his friend did.
I felt sad, so sad.
God, I hate that.
I dropped my mate off and headed home.
Felt appreciation .
My ex girlfriend sent me a text, she had seen me in town, and she appreciated how I had looked that night.
I don’t know how I feel about this.
I drove home, I didn’t want to go home, I drove around my home town for half an hour before heading home.
I feel everything right now.
I’m still sitting in my truck. Listening to Kenton Henson, I can hear the birds in the trees, the world is waking up, and I am going to sleep.
I’m going to sleep now.
I would do more things, I think there is a level of…. How much something excites me before I will do something.
I don’t go to school anymore, and I only work at night time, so as you can imagine I have a lot of free time during the day.
This poses a great problem, as I am completely unsure what to do. Every one of my friends has a day job or school at the moment. So friends is not a option.
I was thinking some sort of recreational activity, and getting temporary day work, with another employer or with my current employer.
I do get bored during the day, but I shouldn’t because there is way to much to do in life to waste it being bored! Wayyy too much. And I have all this free time alone during the day, I really could do something amazing.
As lonely as it is, I don’t mind at all wing alone during the day, as I do see my friends and girlfriend during the week whenever it is possible. So that’s fine.
But what to do?
I would love to go visit heaps of random places around canterbury, hmmm, yeah… I think I should go do some recreational hiking and visit some remote places. Hmm…
Haha I always find it a bit creepy going far into rural places alone, and barely anyone lives in new Zealand.. It’s soo…. Alone, it’s creepy being alone, and anything could happen, haha oh paranoia . Oh oh yoou.
Volunteer? I could volunteer for the department of conservation? The zoo? Hmm!
So much potential to do something valuable with this spare time in my life.
I would be stupid to not doing something valuable.
Dammit, starting is always the hardest.
I wish I had the ability to just play guitar all day long and not get bored and distracted by other things. Haha.
I wish fuel wasn’t so expensive, it would be ones less thing to worry about, one less obstacle from me leaving my easy comfort zone.
I’m writing this at school.
I feel self concious because people will probably be watching me write this or reading this.
Been talking about life and general shit today with a few friends in McDonalds.
Was interesting as usual.
It’s good to think about life and just ponder a few things, as long as you dont over do it.
I’m still in a confused situation with l;ife, i don’t have much of a clue what i’m going to do with life, well i’m most definitily going to do music, but i jsut don’t know how, or what.
I just got told to be quiet from the tutor becayse my typing was to loud. Haha, maybe I should be using my own computer. Ah.
I hate, how.. I hate how we are so forced to fit this standard mould that the world gives us.
I honestly do not think i could have a life where I work a standard 9 to 5 sorta thing, It just makes me feel so.. erghjghsdkfj. You know what I mean.
Music has to the only thing that i can feed off, it’s the only thing that I can actually focus on and feel good.
It has been decided.
After taking this IT course and talking to everyone and thinking about life in general, I have decided that there chasing after music is the only way I’m going to be able to live and not be horribly upset, regretful etc etc.